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davo
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PostSubject: More poems from down under!   Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:36 am

Our Pets
The cat sat on the mantle piece
it didn't move a paw
they'd washed it in alabaster
and dried it by the door

the bird sat in the gilded cage
hanging upside down
it swung occasionally in the breeze
but didn't make a sound

the dog stood by the fire hearth
with a glazed look in its eyes
the 'dermist said "give it a week'
then varnish both its eyes

the hamster scurried around the room
looking for a meal
and then the batteries run out
and it stopped behind the screen

the rabbit looked quite lively
as it lay upon the plate
they'd forgotten to take the fur off
and it burnt whilst on the grate

Granny just sat and looked
at all this menagerie
they'd stuffed her after easter
he hand held cup with tea

me mother said :it's quieter with everyone at rest"
now go brush ya hair, bible out
to church in sunday best!
[/size]


© davo OZ
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Ciderman
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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Thu Oct 27, 2016 5:47 am

In Praise of Blenkinsop


Here was a man who played bad cricket.
Bowled short wides, ne’er took a wicket.
Dropped slip catches, always a ‘duck’
Never an ‘eye’ so he trusted luck.

Now his playing days are gone,
Struck by a drive at Silly Mid On,
Caught it with his senseless head,
And fell upon the pitch- Quite dead!

Blenkinsop’s life had come to an end.
He left directions in care of a friend,
Long and involved , but the basis of which-
“To be buried at ‘Lords’ in the centre of pitch.
To be lowered by men, all of whom shall love cricket,
So that I can assist to grow grass on the wicket”

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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Wed Nov 02, 2016 12:31 am

Poems from the Dark Side?

I just want to be a moaner and a groaner
so what the hell is wrong with all of that?
I just happen to believe that the world is full of sleaze
and there's nothing good it just so full of crap!

I wake up in the morning and I feel oh so depressed
I just light a fag, a slug of scotch and wander in me vest
I never open curtains, or answer phone calls too
I try to watch the tellie but the news is all so blue!

the weather it is always raining and the paths are full of poo
and the vandals are all vandalizing (cries) "I just don't know what to do"
I switch on the computer and I clack on message yack
At last I've found a haven of like souls who love the crap

I love it when they post a thought, and just complain about some rort
they say they don't like this and that -and someone should fix it - go in to bat
I just love the moans and groans no solutions just bare bones
of all our absolute negative sides it's good to wallow with no guides

so don't criticize us moaners and our cousins groaners too
we like to share our miseries and want you to feel blue too
this world is is not all happy it was never meant to be
so come on fellow posters - wallow in this crap with me!


© davo OZ
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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Wed Nov 02, 2016 1:26 am

Found in a cardboard box together with a Colchester Boys High School annual Blue Book. So from about 1952


When Uncle Fred
Had gone to bed,
Everybody shouted!
Uncle Fred came down again
And everyone got clouted!


There was a young man who said ,”Oi!”
A red blooded American boy.
When they said,”Are you Jim?”
He replied,”I’m not him!
He’s quite pink and excessively coy!”


The elephant said to the kangaroo,
“I’m terribly pleased to say how do you do.
The large green trees, with the rhubarb leaves
Leave much to be desired.
I fear that my feet, 
Tho exceedingly neat,
Are too big for the large yellow flowers.”
He sat for a day in the warm scented hay
And played with a small grey raccoon.
Then he left him that night,
To search for the light
Of the pale faced and silvery moon.
.

The lighted match that breaks in half just as you have struck it!
The pipe that’s out but starts a fire within one’s jacket pocket.
The ember that jumps from the fire, it’s whereabouts in doubt!
These pyrotechnic wonders are sent to try us out!

The cup that empties itself out when carrying a tray,
The champagne cork that pops itself when 20 feet away,
The milk that boils while someone knocks politely at the door,
These things are sent to try us out- but isn’t it a bore?





I grew a beard,
Because I heared
That strained food 
Was very good
For wind
And mind
And the complexion!


A beard is:
Face fuzz if your very young.
Artistic if you’re highly strung
Noble if you’re nautical.
Snooty if you’re haughtical
Dirty if you wear long hair
Essential if you go round bare
And astounding if you’re 3 years old!

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andsome
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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Wed Nov 02, 2016 7:58 am

drum drum drum drum drum drum

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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Thu Nov 03, 2016 2:47 pm

Passing On

When all of your contemporaries
And all the stars you knew
Have all passed on; it’s then you know
They drew short straws ‘fore you!
 
When there is no one left to say to you
Remember when we passed this way
Then ya know you’re just way out in front
And it’s getting lonelier by the day!
 
So get out all those old photos
And have just one last look
Cos ya can bet for sure as damn it
Ya name is written in the book!
 
It’s like waiting at the station
And you think you’ve missed ya train
And the station masters shut up shop
And you think you’ve gone insane!
 
They invite you to their parties
And smile as they pass the plate
And all you see are moving lips
Just talkin at fast pace!
 
So just turn off that old hearing aid
Enjoy the peace; give one last wave
The world that you once knew and shared
Has simple moved on ten more squares!
 
© davo OZ
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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Thu Nov 03, 2016 8:24 pm

I know the feeling Davo! Getting old is a bit like jumping off a cliff. The closer you get to the bottom the faster you go!

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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Tue Dec 06, 2016 11:10 pm

For Us old Sages

I must have reached the biblical score
When she walked through that sparkling door
She looked and smiled and I smiled back
It was then I knew I had been ‘hacked’

She asked me if we’d met before
And I fell hook, line, sinker on the floor
I offered her champagne on ice
With tears she said ‘ you’re very nice’

The room just vanished in a haze
I’d become a man half crazed – half crazed
We talked of places we’d both seen
Yet had never met through lovers screen

We lightly dined and talked so briefly
And then she said so very neatly
‘I think it’s time to talk some more
Perhaps behind a firm closed door?’

I gulped and thought this can’t be true
As we stepped in the ‘rising box’
She gently nuzzled up real close
And I could hear the ‘time bomb’ clock
 

The key seemed to appear as from nowhere
And it wasn’t in my hand for sure
There was a rose scented glow that built up from real slow
And I knew that I was through heavens door

She beckoned me sit on the chaise lounge
As she poured out more champagne on ice
Then she pushed me real slow and I went with the flow
And lay back thinking this could be nice!

I must have closed both my eyes for a minute
But it seemed hours had passed
When I came to I was nude and felt that was plain rude
To continue without being asked!

But as she hovered around and behind me
Her eyes had a way of making small talk
Then she said time for bed, and like a lamb I was led
To the slaughter I was religiously brought


I lay on the bed like the 'bismark'
all sails had been fully unfurled
as I prepared to up anchor, she said " oh what a w....r"
and flew atop of me with an 'albatross whirl'

I confess I have tried may positions
but never an 'albatross whirl'
her arms turned to wings-I could hear angels sing
as she nibbled my neck - what a girl

she purred "be still my darling -I'll fix you"
soon get back the wind in ya sails
I must truly confess I was not feeling my best
and my reasoning power had failed

and then if struck by some lightning
a thunderbolt pursed through my veins
my eyeballs did spin - I felt like 'heavenly sin'
I thought is this pleasure or pain?

I closed up my eyes in exhaustion
it seemed for a minute or two
but when I awoke the morning had broke
and the 'albatross' flown the coup
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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Thu Dec 15, 2016 1:50 am

Why?



Have you ever heard the catch cry “why do the innocent die”
Why doesn’t God save the babies and calm the mothers cry?
Why do some nuns get murdered and priests abuse their roles
If this is God’s own planet should he/she exercise more control?

Ah say the ancient sages you ask such simple questions
But the answers are much more sublime
Do you understand the work of Angels
Or the ultimate plan for all mankind?

We don’t want fancy answers we hear the crowd cry forth
Just take away disasters, human greed and deaths own claws
Ah and what about free will – will you give this up as well
Or is that the only human trait you won’t trade off for hell?

Remember as a toddler you were protected, nurtured, held
And when you started wandering sometimes you tripped and fell?
But we were there to lift you, make you feel safe again
We never said go please yourself and let the devil take the blame!

And as you grew you explored the freedom that you wanted
But we were still there for a while; a few more years were granted
Then the magic moment had arrived; you wanted all your freedom
You fled the nest spread out your wings looking for that hidden Eden

Your life became a sudden blur, you took off like a rocket
And when we hinted caution, care; you felt you had to knock it
Well we had agreed in some small way to give you your own freedom
But some old sages caution us about this modern creedom

The Father, daughter, Holy Ghost in any womans religion
Teaches that a Trinity is what gives strength and reason
Go shooting off at tangents and loose the strength of what you are
Free will can bring down house of cards, leave only ghosts that went too far!
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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Thu Dec 15, 2016 2:06 am

Blessed are those who run in large circles.
For they shall be called “Big Wheels”.
And blessed are those who tirade and shout
For they shall become “Big Noises”.
And blessed are those who listened not,
For they shall learn nothing.
Yea! Though all these shall come to pass,
He will have most who listened, and is silent.

Let the just worker be rewarded,
And let him that reapeth, soweth;
But if a man have brain enough,
Let him that must swim, roweth!

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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Thu Dec 15, 2016 3:06 pm

Now to introduce some decorum into the thread

The boy stood on the burning deck
Picking his nose like mad
Rolling it up in little balls
And flicking them at his dad

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This post may contain controversial personal opinion, humour,  ironic comment or sarcasm. If I have accidentally offended you - please contact me and I will unreservedly apologise. If however it was intentional - it will add to my pleasure. whistle
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PostSubject: Re: More poems from down under!   Thu Dec 15, 2016 4:31 pm

I have always known a variation on that one.

The boy stood in the burning dock
Picking his nose like fury
Rolling it into little balls
And flicking them at the jury.

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